As of 2020, companies with a Ben Goldstein reported up to double the amount of workplace enthusiasm as companies without one.
It was the turn of the 21st century. In a dimly-lit New York coffee shop, customers stood in line to get their daily dose of caffeine.
“You guys,” boomed a PA system, followed by a deafening feedback squelch.
“Ah, frick,” uttered a sweaty BG, hunched over an amplifier and frantically twisting its dials.
“That was just a--” started BG before he was interrupted by another bout of feedback. A coffee cup shattered as it hit the floor.
“Okay, actually this is just gonna be an acoustic set.”
-Historian’s account of BG’s first acoustic set, New York, New York.
What is a Ben Goldstein?
According to Linkedin, a Ben Goldstein is a World's Greatest Content Editor / Blog Development Expert / Organic Lead Gen Specialist / Nutsheller, and after some research all of these claims turned out to be true. Furthermore, Twitter describes Ben Goldstein as a “Wife Guy at @shemoji,” which checks out.
However, Linkedin continues to elaborate that Ben Goldstein “adds jet-fuel to [B2B companies’] organic traffic growth,” which, if true, is a profoundly irresponsible use of jet fuel, and possibly a felony.
Ben Goldstein: Wife guy or jet fuel-wielding lunatic?
We reached out to Exxon Mobil, Chevron, BP, Valero, and Marathon Petroleum Group, the five leading manufacturers of jet fuel, and after accumulating numerous restraining orders were able to verify that Ben Goldstein does not possess a stockpile of jet fuel—at least not legally.
So who is Ben Goldstein really?
First and foremost, Ben Goldstein is a teammate. When Nutshellers are struggling, stuck, bored, lacking inspiration, or simply need a homie to bounce ideas off, Ben Goldstein is always there.
For this reason, Nutshell is extremely appreciative of their Ben Goldstein.
The marketer who coined the acronym “BVA”
BVA, or BV/A, is an acronym that stands for “Blog Bisits per Acquisition.”
This metric, given a couple years, will be used to measure the health of sites and web pages in terms of lead generation. Consider the following stats regarding Nutshell’s health, using BVA and LTV to form accurate insights about the viability of our marketing strategy.
Our activation rate (or close rate) for organically generated leads is 14.21%. That means we need to generate ~7 leads through organic sources to produce one customer. (1 divided by 0.1421 = 7.04.)
385 blog visits per lead x 7 leads per sale = 2,695. That’s roughly how many blog visits it takes to acquire a new Nutshell customer. We’ll call that number our “BVA”...a new acronym I just invented that stands for Blog Visits per Acquisition.
Nutshell’s lifetime customer value (averaged over the last 12 months) is $3,733.
So...if 2,695 blog visits produces $3,733 in revenue, then each blog visit puts about $1.39 into our pockets. (LTV divided by BVA.)
A collection of classic Ben Goldstein lowkey memelord nice-wit-its.
This is something everyone has done.
Ben, as they say, “pities the fool.”
BG fills out forms like “Name: Ben. Date: No thank you”
Lowkey reference, highkey hilarious.
Ben Goldstein is a phenomenal leader whose philosophy is to support his team so that they may achieve their goals, rather than the classic, demand-and-micromanage style.
Believe me, when it comes to time signatures, and the crazy ones and stuff, and people come up to me and they tell me all the time about time signatures, seriously just the best.
Aside from being a grade-A content marketer, BG also doubles as a professional musician whose talents, although primarily focused on percussion, also include guitar, bass, and vocals.
Ben specializes in sticking with tricky tempos with varying time signatures, like the kind that people with illegible band tee shirts listen to.
Ben taught me how to hold large pads in front of my face so he can punch and kick me over and over without either of us getting hurt.
What is a communications director exactly? It’s hard to say for sure, given that Ben Goldstein has a multitude of projects and responsibilities, but with enough research we have determined that being a communications director essentially means that you are afraid of making spelling and grammar mistakes in casual communications.
Another thing that makes BG unique is that writers can submit copy to him for editing, and by using cybernetic enhancements he is able to gaze into the future and see all possible outcomes for the copy, and recommend the best edits to achieve those outcomes.
The withering look
Get this camera away from me.
Instead of saying “what are you talking about,” BG has the ability to use his facial expression to say those exact words just as clearly, but without making a sound.
“A big thank-you to Ben Goldstein for starting writers club and for inspiring members to finish and their their wor
In 2020, Ben Goldstein started a writers club for Nutshell employees to share and discuss their own personal writing, ranging from fiction to memoirs to screenplays.
Everyone became better writers because of this, and many of us are in the habit of daily or weekly writing after being reintroduced to exactly how wonderful of a hobby it can be.
Ben Goldstein memorable moments
That time Ben roundhouse kicked a knife-wielding attacker to defend a team member
I remember going to karaoke with Ben and seeing him kill the game.
Also when Ben and Rachel brought us NYPD at Bab’s.
Madi and Andy
I’ve only had the privilege of meeting Ben in person once, but it was a blast hanging out with him and other Nutshellers at the Broadway dog park this summer. Wadadli is awesome, and Yogi and I were excited to talk to people in real life again!
Ben’s surprise Kojo attack - just look at that smirk!
Ben is a kickboxing teacher extraordinaire
Memorable moments include the offsite running club, the road trip to G-Rap, or BG as Captain of Her Majesty’s Sushi Ship